I realize that reading this post title makes it sound like one of those "Oh my gosh I love this, this, and this, and I'm so incredibly thankful for that, that, and that" but relax, it won't get that sappy or boring. Because I mean really, when am I ever sappy or boring? Like, never.
Anyway, I decided to make my blog more about gratitude and less about complaining. The reason for this? No, it wasn't because Jesus came to me in a dream and told me to have more gratitude so people will follow my example (although that would've been nice), it was because, like all newlywed couples, we kind of argue a little (lot) bit.
So after this particular arguement, all I could think of was poooooor me, and how wronged I have been, and how I deserve soooo much better. I had this whole plan worked out to where I would make a new blog with an unknown identity, and write about all the problems and frustrations of marriage. In my little dream, the blog would become famous. Super famous, like Julie and Julia blog famous. And then the search for my identity would begin, it would come to light that I was the creator of that masterpiece, and I would become a celebrity over night. I would then be on radio shows, write books about marriage and how husbands just don't understand wives, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and I would become a multimillionaire. Obviously.
But then, after thinking about what a good idea that was, I thought to myself, "wait, if I write a blog like this, I don't think my husband will be too happy. And it will probably lead to another argument, but probably 100 times bigger." And I have to admit, it's a good thing I have these second thoughts before I jump into something head first. Because let's be honest, I probably wouldn't become famous, people would probably in fact think that my honesty was just a bunch of complaining (which, really, it would be). And the most important thing that I realized in my second thoughts, was that I wasn't thinking about my husband at all. I was thinking just about me, me, me (which is never smart in marriage). So instead of writing that new wannabe famous blog, I thought about what I could do to improve my marriage. And just so you know, I am not saying I have a bad marriage. I love my husband completely, and I adore being married to him. But no matter what stage of marriage you are in, it can always be improved. Always.
I realized that it is so easy to look at our married friends, and judge them, thinking, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe she/he did that." But it's so much harder to look at myself and say, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just did that." Because that would be admitting I did something wrong, not the other person. It is 100 times easier to deny something than to accept it, but it feels 1,000 times better to accept it.
So here is a list of what I am no longer denying, but accepting that I do in my marriage that has a negative consequence.
1) I expect too much. I got a fortune cookie last week and do you know what it said? It said, "Keep your expectations reasonable." Seriously, it said that. I'm pretty sure God saved that cookie for me, because I really needed it.
2) I want Jesus to notice everything I do. If I vacuum/do laundry/clean the car/etc., I want him to say thank you, or some form of praise. I want recognition from him on EVERYTHING. And when I didn't get that praise, I would get my feelings hurt, and then would think, "Well. See if I do something for you again!" Which really is kind of ridiculous.
3) I snap at him really easily, without even knowing it (which is a big part of the problem).
4) I want him to baby me. Which in reality, I don't need him to do.
5)I don't express as much affection to him as I should. I actually take a lot he does for granted.
Now. After accepting these facts, here is was I'm going to do to try to change myself. (And I hope you notice I said, "change myself" because you can't change your spouse. Marriage isn't about changing the other person, it's about changing yourselves to become better and the best couple you can be.)
So here is my plan. I am going to make my expectations reasonable. If I ask Jesus to make the bed, and he doesn't do it the way I normally do it, instead of being critical, I am going to keep my mouth shut. Because in all honesty, as long as the job is done, does it matter how it happened?
Next, instead of doing things and thinking, "I can't wait until Jesus sees how I organized this, he's going to be so happy!" I am going to do things for me. The laundry needs to be folded? Ok, I'll do it because I like the clothes to be put away. The sink is dirty? I'll clean it because I love a shiny sink. I get crabby when my environment isn't clean, so now I clean for me (to help my attitude) instead of thinking that I do all this for him.
When it comes to snapping at him, I think changing this will be the hardest. But I'm going to try my best. And you know what is helping so far? Imagining that Christ is in the room. Because in all honesty, I should show him the same respect that I show to the Lord. I know that seems kind of extreme, but hey, if it works, it works.
I've realized I don't need Jesus to baby me. Sure, I adore the comforting hugs I get from him when I'm sad, but I don't need him to baby me. After all, I'm an adult. I am married to an adult, and I am pretty sure that the adult I married to would like to feel that he is married to an adult as well.
I am also going to show more affection. I am going to show more affection in my words and my actions. And this doesn't mean having loads of more sex. It means being more considerate of him, kissing him hello and goodbye, holding his hand more, being nicer to him when I speak to him, etc. It's like how when I first discovered my love for him, how I always wanted to touch him, gaze at him, hug him, kiss him, and by golly, it's gonna be that way again.
Last but not least, I am going to be more grateful. When I am upset with Jesus, instead of thinking of all of the things he does wrong, I am going to concentrate on all the things he does right. All the things we do right together. It's like when you focus on one thing, that is what you become obsessed about. So instead of focussing and obsessing about what he does wrong, I am going to focus on and obsess about all the great things he does and what great things we can do as a couple.
This is my list so far of the changes I'm making and I'm sure the list will grow. And just so you know, I'm not perfect, and Jesus isn't perfect. He makes a lot of mistakes too, just like I do. This isn't just about me trying to change myself. Jesus is also trying to change himself. After all, it takes two to make a marriage and with us helping each other to become the best, and with God's help as well, I know we will be the bestest couple ever (it just takes a lot of work).
Oh, and I'll keep you updated on how these changes are going ;-)
